How to Balance it All!

Sometimes I just need to escape to my personal place of peace. Physically, I haven’t gone anywhere but mentally I am as good as gone. I put on my headphones, blast my music until I can’t hear the chaos around me and start writing. It feels amazing! I look at my kids and just smile because I can really enjoy their innocence in this moment. Lately, I’ve been a little hard on myself because I feel myself falling back into the habit of focusing on all the millions of things that I have to do once I get home from work instead of making sure I make time to play, be silly, and cuddle or whatever we are in the mood for that day. Last year my life was so hectic that I constantly felt like a failure. I felt like I was failing my kids because I had so much to do and I was beyond stressed. I brought my stress from work home with me and then I brought my work home which only added more stress. I was so exhausted that I found myself upset with my daughter for asking me to read her a bedtime story. What kind of s*** is that? How could I be mad at her for expecting what she is used to? She expected me to be a mom… HER mom and I was failing her. She tried to reassure me that I was still the best mom but I knew she was only trying to make me feel better. Nonetheless, God has a way of taking control over a situation and I spent the past few months bonding and getting to know my babies all over again. I was so busy “adulting” that I didn’t even realize my youngest daughter and I never had the opportunity to truly bond like I did with my first. I was amazed by this person I birthed yet didn’t know her like I should. Apparently, she felt the same way about me because the bond we have now is crazy beautiful. Needless to say, I don’t want to be that too busy, stressed, always working or tired mom. It seems like I have to neglect something in order to do something else. Is it possible to do it all? I mean come home from work, make sure homework is done, dinner is made, baths are taken, things are ready for the next long a** day, clean up and make time to give your kids undivided attention and put them to bed at a decent time?? I guess but I’m not there yet! Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves and think way too much. I know I do, I get on my own damn nerves! My kids remind me to relax and enjoy the moment. The other day I randomly shouted, “Everybody dance now!” and my baby girl ran out of her room to dance with me! She was soon followed by her sister and we just danced to whatever sounds came out of my mouth! It’s moments like this that remind me of all the little things that truly mean the most!

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