I’ve realized over the past few years that I waited until I became an adult to start f***ing up! Obviously it wasn’t intentional as we all know s*** happens but it’s just crazy how life happens. Seriously, I waited until I was grown to lose my job not once but a couple times my contract ended and wasn’t renewed. I waited until I was grown to get bad grades in school. Clearly, I thought graduate school was going to be as easy as undergrad not realizing that’s a total different level of responsibility and accountability. I think my parent’s made this adult thing look relatively easy because I am NOT living the life I thought would just come after graduating college. I waited until I was grown to disappoint my parents and go through life feeling somewhat like a failure because of all of my mistakes. I mean, I know I’m not a failure, at least not a complete failure, because the mistakes I’ve made are only to make me a stronger individual and help me grow to the amazing woman I am becoming. Honestly, failure in some capacity is a part of life. How will you be able to improve yourself if you’ve never failed or made any mistakes? I embrace my setbacks because I know they are only setting me up for greater opportunities. I’ve never been the type of person to need someone else’s praise for doing the right thing or being a good person. But once again, I waited until I was an adult for that simple acknowledgement to really mean something and truly resonate with me. Since I started writing my blog, I’ve received so much support and positive feedback. It was surprising and one of my favorite cousins had to remind me that it’s the times where you think no one is paying attention that you are truly being noticed. I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my articles, offer feedback and share them with a friend. It truly means a lot and the encouragement goes a long way. You never know when someone is really feeling defeated and ready to throw in the towel but a simple text, phone call, Facebook message, etc. could really turn that all around. Thank you for the encouragement to keep pouring my heart out and sharing my experiences with you all. I never knew this process could be so freeing and I’m excited to share this journey with the people who know me best and those of you who are now getting to know me. Thank you!! Stay encouraged!!!
Sometimes I just need to escape to my personal place of peace. Physically, I haven’t gone anywhere but mentally I am as good as gone. I put on my headphones, blast my music until I can’t hear the chaos around me and start writing. It feels amazing! I look at my kids and just smile because I can really enjoy their innocence in this moment. Lately, I’ve been a little hard on myself because I feel myself falling back into the habit of focusing on all the millions of things that I have to do once I get home from work instead of making sure I make time to play, be silly, and cuddle or whatever we are in the mood for that day. Last year my life was so hectic that I constantly felt like a failure. I felt like I was failing my kids because I had so much to do and I was beyond stressed. I brought my stress from work home with me and then I brought my work home which only added more stress. I was so exhausted that I found myself upset with my daughter for asking me to read her a bedtime story. What kind of s*** is that? How could I be mad at her for expecting what she is used to? She expected me to be a mom… HER mom and I was failing her. She tried to reassure me that I was still the best mom but I knew she was only trying to make me feel better. Nonetheless, God has a way of taking control over a situation and I spent the past few months bonding and getting to know my babies all over again. I was so busy “adulting” that I didn’t even realize my youngest daughter and I never had the opportunity to truly bond like I did with my first. I was amazed by this person I birthed yet didn’t know her like I should. Apparently, she felt the same way about me because the bond we have now is crazy beautiful. Needless to say, I don’t want to be that too busy, stressed, always working or tired mom. It seems like I have to neglect something in order to do something else. Is it possible to do it all? I mean come home from work, make sure homework is done, dinner is made, baths are taken, things are ready for the next long a** day, clean up and make time to give your kids undivided attention and put them to bed at a decent time?? I guess but I’m not there yet! Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves and think way too much. I know I do, I get on my own damn nerves! My kids remind me to relax and enjoy the moment. The other day I randomly shouted, “Everybody dance now!” and my baby girl ran out of her room to dance with me! She was soon followed by her sister and we just danced to whatever sounds came out of my mouth! It’s moments like this that remind me of all the little things that truly mean the most!
5 things that just aren’t fair!!
So my two year old has learned a new phrase which is, “It’s not fair!” I mean I love that she is being vocal about how she feels but now I am compelled to share some s*** that just isn’t fair since were on the subject!!
- It’s not fair that I will clearly explain to my child that it is too late to have something to drink before bed and then she returns only to ask me again and cry as if this is all new to her!
- It’s not fair that my child can do something “wrong” and then cry hysterically like I assaulted her when all I did was calmly talk to her. What the hell are you crying for? Did I miss something? I don’t get it. Help me understand why you are freaking out. Seriously, someone is going to think I am abusing you. What the hell?!!
- It’s not fair that my child has learned a new phrase and now nothing in life is fair. Way to assert your independence but let’s bring it down a little. She will literally sit and yell “it’s not fair” repeatedly like something is going to magically change. It’s not fair that my ears have to go through this s***!
- It’s not fair that I can’t sleep without one or both children crawling in my bed in the middle of the night and I have to wake up sore because there were feet in my neck and I’ve been kicked and punched all night. Yes, it’s that bad. It’s to the point where I’m just like if you need to stretch out across my head in order to stay sleep, go right ahead!
- It’s not fair that relaxing feels like a hobby that I just don’t have time for. Even when I try, I am constantly interrupted by requests because my kids are legit the thirstiest kids on earth! Always thirsty, always hungry, always bored, always needing mommy!!
IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!!
Why is it that I feel like such a horrible mom sometimes because I want my kids to entertain themselves and act like I’m freaking invisible? I just want to be left alone for a short period of time, no conversations, no requests, just silence. It’s not fair to me that I am made to feel guilty for wanting these simple luxuries. I mean I really feel bad like I’m letting my kids down even though I know they will survive. It’s crazy! My kids will see me doing something and walk straight past their father to mess with me. Like, did you not see him? Is he not capable of carrying out the very tasks you are asking me for? For the life of me I will never understand why kids do this. I promise my kids just make up s*** to ask me just because it’s been five minutes and we have to have some sort of interaction. For example, my oldest daughter knows she can’t have anything to drink after a certain time so she’ll be like, “tomorrow when I wake up can I have some juice?” If you don’t get out my face and ask me this s*** tomorrow!!! It’s to the point now where she’ll think before she asks and say I can ask you this tomorrow. Thank you, that sounds like a great idea!
It can be so frustrating being a parent sometimes. I have to constantly remind my kids that I am a damn human too! I swear they clearly think I am a superhero or some shit, maybe a mommy robot, who knows! I mean I get tired too, my feelings get hurt, and I get angry sometimes. I know mothers wear many hats but sometimes I don’t want to wear a hat or have hair if that will help! This is legit how I feel and I don’t want to feel bad about it but I do. However, I know if I don’t give myself that time to be a “bad mom” I am going to be completely burnt out and I won’t be any good to anybody. I’m thinking about joining the bad moms club for a little while! You know, give me a chance to miss getting asked a bajillion questions daily, five million requests and eight thousand sibling arguments!!!!
https://youtu.be/DD8MN4mHkyU ***Moms be like!!! Lol.
Are you that mom? You know the obsessed; everything revolves around my kids’ type of mom? It’s nothing wrong with loving your kids but is it possible to love them too much? I would say no, but the more I analyze the type of mom that I am, I am THAT MOM!! I laugh at how attached my kids are to me and sometimes I feel the need to ask them why do they like me so much that they just have to be around me constantly?! Sometimes they literally make me want to drink a bottle of wine and pull my hair out one strand at a time but I’m completely obsessed with these two little girls in the same way that they are clearly obsessed with me. It doesn’t matter what I am doing, where I am at, who’s around, I am always thinking about them and if they need me, I am there. At this point, I know I am getting on other people’s nerves but guess who doesn’t give a s***? If you thought the answer was me, you are 100% correct! They are my children and I will be crazy as hell over them if that means they will be safe, happy and above all LOVED! My girls are up my a** because I love them unconditionally and I make sure they know this every day. When I say I will stop whatever I am doing please believe me. The other day I had plans to stop at the store to get a couple of food items and get some much needed gas. However, one phone call quickly changed all of that. No, nothing bad or tragic happened. My youngest daughter must have felt like I was taking too long to get home so her dad called me so I could tell her that I would be home soon. I know my children are beyond dramatic but you could hear it in her voice that she was sad and she was crying because she wanted her momma. She wanted ME!! I know I needed gas (the damn light just came on) and I did need to stop at the store but what did I do? I took my a** right home and put that beautiful smile back on my baby’s face. She ran to the door and jumped in my arms and everything was right and perfect in that moment! So yes, I am that mom. I am amazed every day that I birthed such amazing human beings who essentially have inherited my ways…flaws and all. They are the only people who can make me feel complete even when everything else around me is falling apart. I am perfect in their eyes and so I am obsessed with the beauty that is within them. I am obsessed because I was blessed with some of God’s greatest creations! I never knew I could love anyone as much as I love my children. With that being said I will never apologize for my crazy because there are children in this world not receiving half of the love I give my girls. Not necessarily because they don’t love their children because some just don’t know how. I mean I have always felt loved by my parents but I didn’t receive that love from my biological mother. My mother (some may call her my stepmother but to me she is simply “mom”) is a selfless woman who CHOSE to love me as her own and although she isn’t overly affectionate like I am; she showed me exactly what true love is and that is why I am able to show my girls what that looks and feels like!
http://workingmommyabroad.com/category/blogger-link-up/ **Check out this mommy blogger as well and hear from moms all around the world!!
According to the Huffingtonpost.com, being selfish is characterized as lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. Many times, I have had people tell me that I need to start putting myself first more. In other words, I need to be more selfish. I get it; often times we tend to put ourselves last, especially after becoming a parent. However, is it possible to truly be selfish when you have little ones to consider? The other day I found myself thinking how I wish I could be selfish but it seems a little impossible. I recently started a new job and in doing so I had to consider how that would affect my daughter getting to school and getting picked up. I have to make sure our schedules coordinate before I can even accept a job! I mean these are things that you don’t think about before you start your family. You’re like, yea I want this job and it’s done. As a result, I transferred her to a different school. Then in the midst of waiting to start this particular position, another opportunity arose. This is one that really excited me and I thought maybe they picked another candidate because I never heard from them since applying. As I’m predicting the future and claiming this position as mine even though I haven’t even made it to the interview yet, once again I have to consider my daughter. Accepting this position would mean, she had to change schools AGAIN. Since I am working at a school, you better believe she is right there with me. I felt like I had to choose between what I wanted career-wise and my daughter being stable as far as schools. Here is my opportunity to be selfish right?! I mean, it’s more money and I would be happy in this position, my daughter is resilient so she’ll be fine. What else is there to think about? I can’t be selfish if I tried!! My a** didn’t go to the interview because I don’t want my daughter to be in yet another school. Her feelings matter too!! Although, I would have loved to see what the outcome would have been, my children come first in my life. As long as they are happy, I am happy. I feel like that is an unspoken commitment you make when you become a parent. Not everyone thinks that way, but this is the unselfish way I chose to live my life. Every decision that I make, I have to consider my children as a factor. I laugh because I feel like when my girls father gets on my nerves, I even consider their feelings when I’m thinking about giving him the pink slip!!! This is MY life and they have nothing to do with my relationship so why am I thinking about them? The answer is simple. It’s OUR life and this is what they know so my decisions don’t just affect me. Granted, I won’t stay and be unhappy for the sake of my children but that just goes to show the magnitude of their influence on my life. So no, I can’t be selfish. I am a parent so that means unselfishly putting them first! Maybe in some areas of my life, but overall, being selfish isn’t an option for me. I feel like it would be selfish of me to constantly put other things or people before my kids as they didn’t ask to come into this world.” Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”(Elizabeth Stone)
So now that the holidays are behind us and I have had time to get over this s***, I want to talk about this damn baby alive doll that my daughter just had to have as if it was life or death! First of all, I didn’t even know there were so many different types of baby alive dolls in the first place. I’m over here making life decisions just to pick out a damn doll! Anyway, I have literally heard about this freaking baby doll for months!! I don’t see what the hype is all about but I knew it had to be a Christmas gift since getting it was a reoccurring request. I lucked up and didn’t have to pay for it so you know I was happy! Or maybe you don’t but let me just say I am definitely a cheap person! So of course my daughter doesn’t want just a simple cute baby doll, this doll had to poop, pee, eat, and talk to her. Okay, I found Snacking Sara who supposedly does all of the above. I tried to order her on Amazon for $46.00 (**no longer that price http://amzn.to/2isggqN) but because it was last minute, shipping was like a million dollars (okay but at least $70) in order to get it before Christmas. Instead, I purchased it online from Walmart for a couple dollars more and did store pick up! What a freaking joke that s*** was! I waited in line to pick up my item for at least 45 minutes. 45 minutes that I will never get back! Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff!!! She was absolutely excited to open up her Baby Alive Christmas morning and couldn’t wait to start playing with her. However, that was short lived because she quickly got bored. For whatever disgusting reason, she was fascinated with the idea of changing her poopie diaper and when she didn’t poop she was no longer interested. Now, I’m pretty sure the fact that her little sister thought she should eat playdoh along with her baby food, caused her not to poop. Or at least that’s the reason I gave them. If it’s any consolation, the baby food does resemble playdoh. Needless to say, my daughter has yet to see Snacking Sara’s full potential. I cleaned out all of the playdoh and hopefully she will love her again!! Unknowingly to me, little sister got a Baby Alive doll as well for Christmas from her godparents. I think she was perfect for her AND she looked like the little sister of Snacking Sara!! What a coincidence! She got Twinkles and Tinkles (http://amzn.to/2jvBxSk) who doesn’t necessarily use the bathroom but will let you know that she needs to be changed and her diaper twinkles for you to clean her. She also drinks and makes real sucking sounds as she does this. Both of the Baby Alive dolls talk in both English and Spanish, which I think is pretty cool! Overall, I like the fact that these dolls help children see how to begin taking care of a child and I think it’s a good toy option for kids who are maybe about to become an older sibling. I say that because I kind of wish my oldest daughter had this before her sister was born just to get a glimpse of how needy babies are. I know it’s not the same capacity but I feel it will give them a better understanding because the dolls give off a variety of cues repeatedly as they play just as babies do. If you are looking for a great gift idea for a little princess in your life check out the variety of Baby Alive dolls and accessories and I’m sure they are going to love it! We may not understand it, but that’s not important!! Lol.
- Repeat the same as question or statement bajillion damn times like the answer is going to change. I absolutely HATE it, sometimes I tell them no just because they asked me too many times.
- Already think they know everything! You’ve been here all of six damn years and I taught you majority of what you know so how the hell do you know more than me?
- Argue with their siblings over every damn thing. I ask one child to get me something and now there are two kids fighting over who is going to give it to me. Why don’t you fight to follow directions any other time? Like…argue over who can clean the room the fastest!!
- Want to be attached to your hip 24/7. I pushed your ass out and cut the umbilical cord. That was your pass to freedom! Apparently, the cord is still attached because I can’t even take a piss alone without them banging on the door or camping out waiting for me to show my face again. I mean if I run to the store alone they act like they haven’t seen me in years. I had two kids so they could be friends and play with each other. Why do you want to play with me all the time???
- Think that every day is supposed to be full of fun and adventures. Can’t we just relax sometimes? Personally, I think that is a great day. Why don’t you join me?! My kid is like “so, what are we going to do fun today?” I thought we were having fun eating snacks and watching TV. Was I wrong?
- Tattletale so damn much. All day I hear, “Mommy _____ did this, mommy _____ did that!” Seriously, your back and she did what? So what should I do? After a while I don’t give a shit who did what. I need you to know this is extremely annoying so please stop before everyone is sitting in the corner for the rest of the day!
- Think that they can trick me into doing whatever activity they want to do at any particular time. Apparently, this is “Let’s Make a Deal” because my oldest is always trying to make deals with me except they all benefit her. What do I get out of this? How about I don’t want to do either. Is that an option?
- Think that I love you, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it followed by hugs and kisses are an automatic get out of trouble card. It’s cute and tempting; don’t get me wrong but you my friend is still in trouble!! Now come get this spanking!! Lol.
I have done my share of research on parenting at this point but I have yet to find the answer to why toddlers are so damn fascinated with the refrigerator. Someone please help me understand why my two years old insists on sneaking in the refrigerator every single night!! It has literally become some type of fascination for her even if she doesn’t want or need anything. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you kid? I mean, I’m glad you are learning how to do things on your own but damn…find something more productive to do.
To make matters worse, we have come to an awesome place in our potty training journey but she is going behind my back making s*** difficult. We have graduated from using pull-ups and she is wearing underwear all day. Because I’m sick of buying pull-ups I have not replaced the last pack that is now empty. As a result, she is wearing her underwear to bed as well. I make sure she uses the bathroom before bed and she has proven that she can go all night without an accident. However, when the rest of the house falls asleep and she is up rummaging through the refrigerator, stealing juice and whatnot, she forgets that maybe a bathroom break is necessary. Since I don’t know she is up being mischievous, I’m not being proactive and escorting her on a trip to the potty in the middle of the night.
After several incidents, I have had enough of this foolishness. Besides, I’m smarter than a toddler so I make a trip to Walmart to buy Safety 1st multi-purpose latches for the refrigerator. I get home and daddy puts that baby in place. Everything seems cool for a minute, my toddler is now pissed that we have outsmarted her! I’m thinking at this point we are winning as parents! However, my 6 year old comes in the kitchen with her King Kong strength and pulls the damn thing right off the refrigerator! Okay, I will not panic! I’ll just put it back on since the little one still can’t get in and teach the older one how to use it properly. I mean the lock part is pretty secure. I walked in the kitchen half asleep that night and almost flipped my s*** because I couldn’t open the refrigerator and then I realized we had baby proofed it. Since I was half asleep it doesn’t count against me!! Honestly, I like this item but the adhesive part is not very long lasting and we ended up just taking it off because it wasn’t sticking properly. If I didn’t live in an apartment I would have glued the s*** on myself but that is not the case. So I would recommend this particular one because it was cheap and it comes with two and if you are able to give it a more permanent attachment it’s perfect!
Fast forward a couple days later and my toddler is back at it! I guess she figured she had laid low long enough and now it’s time to strike again and boy did she!! Once again we are all asleep and maybe I’m just assuming my sweet little princesses are both getting their beauty sleep as well. That is until I wake up and find my princess asleep in a chair in the living room (definitely not where I left her!) with her two baby dolls and a blanket. Oh and my wine glass of juice that I had on MY nightstand in MY room for ME to drink when I got thirsty. It didn’t look like she drank much because there was still some in there like I left it so I let it go for the moment and left her a** peacefully sleeping. Let me clear something up…my kids know NOT to use my wine glasses for anything under no circumstances. Because I know they know the rules, I occasionally put something nonalcoholic in it just so they won’t ask for any! So not only did she disobey the rule, she drank my s***, got a refill and pissed in my chair!! To top it off, she must have changed her underwear and then climbed in my bed. I think she wanted to tell me but had a change of heart. She started off trying to tell me something, which was not in my fluent language, and wanted me to come with her. Being the concerned sleepy mom I am, I did not move but asked if she was okay and if she needed to use the bathroom instead. She assures me that she is okay and she doesn’t have to use the bathroom. I guess she already handled that part and decided against telling me what really went down!! This is the s*** I have to deal with! But I love my kids though and couldn’t imagine life without them!
**I bought mine from Walmart for $4.48 but I would have been better off ordering from amazon without the hustle and bustle of crazy people and they also offer a 6-count as well. http://amzn.to/2iIlinb
Here’s another one that has a lot of good reviews and I am considering trying this one next!! http://amzn.to/2hRcpbc