Thank you!!

I’ve realized over the past few years that I waited until I became an adult to start f***ing up! Obviously it wasn’t intentional as we all know s*** happens but it’s just crazy how life happens. Seriously, I waited until I was grown to lose my job not once but a couple times my contract ended and wasn’t renewed. I waited until I was grown to get bad grades in school. Clearly, I thought graduate school was going to be as easy as undergrad not realizing that’s a total different level of responsibility and accountability. I think my parent’s made this adult thing look relatively easy because I am NOT living the life I thought would just come after graduating college. I waited until I was grown to disappoint my parents and go through life feeling somewhat like a failure because of all of my mistakes. I mean, I know I’m not a failure, at least not a complete failure, because the mistakes I’ve made are only to make me a stronger individual and help me grow to the amazing woman I am becoming. Honestly, failure in some capacity is a part of life. How will you be able to improve yourself if you’ve never failed or made any mistakes? I embrace my setbacks because I know they are only setting me up for greater opportunities. I’ve never been the type of person to need someone else’s praise for doing the right thing or being a good person. But once again, I waited until I was an adult for that simple acknowledgement to really mean something and truly resonate with me. Since I started writing my blog, I’ve received so much support and positive feedback. It was surprising and one of my favorite cousins had to remind me that it’s the times where you think no one is paying attention that you are truly being noticed. I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my articles, offer feedback and share them with a friend. It truly means a lot and the encouragement goes a long way. You never know when someone is really feeling defeated and ready to throw in the towel but a simple text, phone call, Facebook message, etc. could really turn that all around. Thank you for the encouragement to keep pouring my heart out and sharing my experiences with you all. I never knew this process could be so freeing and I’m excited to share this journey with the people who know me best and those of you who are now getting to know me. Thank you!! Stay encouraged!!!

How to Balance it All!

Sometimes I just need to escape to my personal place of peace. Physically, I haven’t gone anywhere but mentally I am as good as gone. I put on my headphones, blast my music until I can’t hear the chaos around me and start writing. It feels amazing! I look at my kids and just smile because I can really enjoy their innocence in this moment. Lately, I’ve been a little hard on myself because I feel myself falling back into the habit of focusing on all the millions of things that I have to do once I get home from work instead of making sure I make time to play, be silly, and cuddle or whatever we are in the mood for that day. Last year my life was so hectic that I constantly felt like a failure. I felt like I was failing my kids because I had so much to do and I was beyond stressed. I brought my stress from work home with me and then I brought my work home which only added more stress. I was so exhausted that I found myself upset with my daughter for asking me to read her a bedtime story. What kind of s*** is that? How could I be mad at her for expecting what she is used to? She expected me to be a mom… HER mom and I was failing her. She tried to reassure me that I was still the best mom but I knew she was only trying to make me feel better. Nonetheless, God has a way of taking control over a situation and I spent the past few months bonding and getting to know my babies all over again. I was so busy “adulting” that I didn’t even realize my youngest daughter and I never had the opportunity to truly bond like I did with my first. I was amazed by this person I birthed yet didn’t know her like I should. Apparently, she felt the same way about me because the bond we have now is crazy beautiful. Needless to say, I don’t want to be that too busy, stressed, always working or tired mom. It seems like I have to neglect something in order to do something else. Is it possible to do it all? I mean come home from work, make sure homework is done, dinner is made, baths are taken, things are ready for the next long a** day, clean up and make time to give your kids undivided attention and put them to bed at a decent time?? I guess but I’m not there yet! Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves and think way too much. I know I do, I get on my own damn nerves! My kids remind me to relax and enjoy the moment. The other day I randomly shouted, “Everybody dance now!” and my baby girl ran out of her room to dance with me! She was soon followed by her sister and we just danced to whatever sounds came out of my mouth! It’s moments like this that remind me of all the little things that truly mean the most!